Father's Day

Father's Day is always an odd holiday for me. Growing up, I had the best grandfather in the world, and he was a better dad than i could have ever asked for. He died when I was about 10 and my mom married my step-dad, Dale. He took care of us after that and I always had a pretty strained relationship with him. He was really controlling, and I always wanted to be in control of myself. Regardless, he provided a really good life for my mom, my brother and I. This Father's Day, my biological father has been gone for a few years, Dale's illness is getting progressively worse, and it's Brad's 1st Father's Day with our beautiful baby boy. I have friends that have kids whose dads haven't stepped up to the plate, and I know I am lucky to not be amomg them. Chase is lucky to have so many people that really love him, and I'm glad he has a dad who loves him as well. So happy Father's Day to all the dads out there that deserve it, and all the moms who struggle to be both mom & dad to their little ones.

Gotta make this quick

Chase is in his exercauser, but that only entertains him for a little while until he gets bored! He is not quite strong enough to really play in it yet, so I sit him in it and watch him diligently.
Just a quick medication update on Chase.
Started out with the zantac which provided a little bit of relief, but not enough. Then switched to prilosec and bethanachol. The bethanachol made the projectile vomiting worse so we stopped that. Went over 2 weeks on the prilosec and finally had enough of that CRAP too. Switched to prevacid solutabs. Hallelujah! Something that dissolves in Chase's mouth and didn't have to be compounded with that nasty sodium bicarb!It's been about a week though, and no improvement yet. I've read it can take up to 3 weeks for it to work, so we shall see. Found some awesome support sites for reflux moms online, and been getting all kinds of great information. So thankful to be able to be a stay at home mom and focus solely on Chase & trying to get him healthy & comfortable. I am truly blessed. It's about time to take Chase out of the exercauser he is getting antsy. That's all for now, keep your fingers crossed that the prevacid kicks in soon!

3 months old

I cant believe my baby is 3 months old already. where does the time go? please forgive my grammar, i'm typing from my phone in bed. brad is snoring next to me, daisy at my feet, lucky on his bed below and pooter passed out attached to my boob, arm draped dramatically across my chest. lol, i love my little guy, i really do. how boring my life was before he came along! he likes to sleep late, like his mama. some mornings i will just lay here, bladder bursting, and watch him. i know if i move he will wake up. when i do eventuallu get up he flops on his belly, reaching for me and makes little mousy noises. sometimes he will find his hand and that will pacify him for a minute so i can relieve my bladder, but i wory that he will accidently inhale the sheet so i rush to get back to him. he is so happy in the mornings. such a smiley baby, it warms my heart. he happily get his diaper changed and sits with me as i eat breakfast. then its time for his medicine and he just hates it. looks at me like if he could talk, he would swear at me, lol. my poor booger, i feel so bad for him that he has to be on meds this young. i'm exhausted it's time for sleep. a few nights ago i bathed chase, put lotion and jammies on him and tried to give him his medicine. he wouldn't take it so i put some milk in a bottle with it and handed him to brad. 5 seconds later he asked me if chase had a diaper on. lol. needless to say, i'm not supermom by any means. i'm one tired mama :)

As Chase Eats

Really, this blog should be called as Chase eats, cause he pretty much does that all day long. Which could probably be why my house looks like a tornado hit it...because Chase likes to be attached to my boob 24/7. And if you've ever tried it, it's kinda difficult to breastfeed standing up. Although I am sure there are some supermoms out there that rock at it. But I'm not one of them :) Yet.
Anyway, I read on one of the 10,000 reflux articles that I have found online that reflux babies like to breastfeed a lot because the breastmilk acts as an antacid & is soothing to the babies' tummy. So maybe that is why Chase always wants to eat. Or maybe he is like his mommy & is just always hungry. Which is kinda funny cause I've only felt that way since I had Chase. Since I was sick for 10 months of my pregnancy (lol) I could hardly eat anything. Which is probably why I barely gained 20 pounds while pregnant. Before the pregnancy I couldn't eat anything because I had been banded barely 5 months earlier. So now this whole, "hungry all the time" enigma baffles me. I have read that it is from breastfeeding. Apparently it makes you pretty hungry, which I guess makes a lot of sense since you are burning more calories! Yay! But I definitely think I am making up for it with all the crap I am eating. On a side note, I am 8 pounds away from being the weight I was in 11th grade. Go ME!!
So Chase has an appt with a pediatric gastroenterologist on May 3rd at Children's Hospital in Birmingham. I am REALLY looking forward to meeting this new doctor and PRAYING that he can help Chase feel a little better. After hours & hours of research, I have decided that Chase needs to be on a PPI like zegrid or prevacid. Not this CRAPPY zantac stuff. And DEF not reglan, which I have avoided like the plague. Not too fond of his new pediatrician here, just like I wasn't too fond of his first pediatrician here. They just don't seem to REALLY know what they are doing. And I REFUSE to accept "he will just have to grow out of this" as an answer to Chase's reflux. I REFUSE to sit and watch my baby boy squirm, fight & writhe in pain without knowing I have exhausted ALL options for helping him. I waited WAY too many years and wanted him for WAY too long to not give it my BEST shot at helping him feel the best that he can.
Well it's 4pm, and Chase is up. Ate & slept for a little while, woke up & puked, and now it's time to start dinner. In the snuggli we go!

Selflessness

The Tao of Motherhood by Vimala McClure:
Selflessness

Everything which endures can
only do so because Eternal
Consciousness gives it a sentience.

A mother who gives herself
completely to her infant meets
herself in the dark and finds
fulfillment.

In the hours between midnight
and dawn, she crosses the
threshold of self-concern and
discovers a Self that has no limits.
A wise mother meets this
Presence with humility and steps
through time into selflessness.

Infants know when their mothers
have done this, and they
become peaceful.

Who, then, is the doer? Is it the
infant who brings its mother
through the veil of self-concern
into limitlessness? Is it the
mother, who chooses to hold
sacred her infant's needs and
surrender herself? Or is it the
One, which weaves them both
through a spiraling path
toward wholeness?

You can sit and meditate while
your baby cries himself to sleep.
Or you can go to him and share
his tears, and find your Self.